Building a Football Team From 29 US States

Just when you thought I couldn't find anything dumber to write about I go and write something like this. The title is exactly what I will be doing. I will be building my all star football roster out of states.

I'll attempt to go into detail about why each pick is fitting in their respective positions. I expect this article to get very contentious and want to let the people know I embrace debate. If/when this breaks the internet remember I don't always have takes you agree with, I just have the correct ones.

Also shoutout to the boys at Jomboy Media for the idea. I highly recommend people check out the baseball version they did.

---

Offense

Let the record show that no proper offense is complete without a fullback. My team will be comprised of the following positions: QB, HB, FB, LT, LG, C, RG, RT, TE, WR1, WR2. I want a dynamic offense that has some flash but isn't afraid to play physical football. Let's see the picks.

QB: California

Quarterback was a tough one, and I hate hyping up Cali too much, but it had to be the Golden State. Just has that tall, long prototypical build you look for in a quarterback. Definitely one of the more handsome players on the team which is important when choosing a quarterback. I think this titan of the country will thrive in our system considering it quite literally invented the west coast offense.

HONORABLE MENTION: Tennessee

Sorry Tennessee, I think with some years to mature maybe you'll have a spot but for now it's not a risk I'm willing to take.

FB: Nebraska

When I say I want Nebraska at fullback, I'm thinking this guy. Big ol' farm boy, corn fed, TOTALLLLY NOT on steroids *wink*. I need him wearing shoulder pads at least two sizes to big. I really wanted Wisconsin here but need them to anchor my line. I hope Nebraska uses that as a chip on their shoulder.

HB: Ohio

Coming in at halfback is the best state in the union, Ohio. Ohio has the perfect size, toughness, speed, and finesse to really be a two way star in our offense. I'm a long term advocate that Ohio is a dope ass state, and it deserves it's shine with a major role. I think this will be the productive player who comes up when it counts and knows how to win

HONORABLE MENTION: North Carolina

Really wanted a spot for you it just didn't work out. Hone your craft and try out next year.

LT: Wisconsin

I need a reliable guy who is gonna anchor my line for 17 years, and for that reason I'm drafting America's dairy land. Built by a steady diet of cheese, brats, and Miller High Life, Wisconsin comes with the offensive line Midwest pedigree you can't pass up in a prospect. No brainer.

LG and RG: Alaska and Montana

Had to go combo for these boys. I'll tell ya what you get with our guards, a whole lotta size. These are some big big boys who can absolutely battle in the trenches. They're both gonna be quiet, don't have to worry about them throwing off the locker room, and I think they'll have good chemistry. Considering their residents might be the most well equipped hunters and survivalists in the country, I think they'll have no problem defending the quarterback

HONORABLE MENTION: The Dakotas

Fit the bill of what we're looking for, just a bit undersized. Can't teach that.

C: Maine

I really like Maine here. I hadn't thought about it much in the early stages of this draft but I think it has a great fit at center. Smart, not huge so mobility will be solid. Plus in American history we basically got Maine due to a war between lumberjacks which is just awesome to imagine.

RT: Minnesota

While lacking the Wisconsin pedigree of excellence, Minnesota is a good Midwest big boy who I think will be able to do it's job satisfactorily. Home to a legendary twine ball, that's gotta count for something.

TE: Iowa

Iowa is a criminally underrated state, similar to how the tight end is an undervalued position. Iowa will hit the blocks, catch every pass it's targeted with, give this team some much needed grit, and supply us with some damn good corn. What more could you want.

WR1; Alabama

I don't know what they put in the water (or gene pool) in Alabama but damn do they have some great athletes. we all know Alabama is one of the premier college football dynasties, and I think they're best fitting as our game-stopping, playmaking WR1.

WR2: Nevada

With my wide receivers I want a little flash, a little pizazz. For me that's Nevada. A good mix of desert grit and Vegas glow is gonna go a long way. Nevada is no Alabama, but he's gonna step up and absolutely go off at least twice a season. Love this WR room.

Defense:

When building my defense we're looking for guys who are gonna be mean and nasty out here. I want opposing teams (not sure who these teams are, maybe I'll make a Europe version of this) to absolutely fearing going up against this army of monsters. You play us you better be ready to get hit hard.

CB: Louisiana

I want my corners to be some crazy, wily, quick bastards out there. I'm ecstatic about the two corners I picked up. You know that there's some special Bayou athleticism and some special New Orleans drunkenness. You're not getting by Louisiana, and good luck throwing at him because he's running that ball back to the house.

CB: West Virginia

With my second reference to Wheeling Tom in my blogs, I hope he's proud to see West Virginia on my team here. I said I wanted my corners to have some crazy in them, this is well accomplished with West Virginia. Obviously a hard worker in the mines, and possibly strengthened by moonshine, I can already tell you opposing wide receivers will hate going up against West Virginia. Besides we can take sweet locker room picks if we can find some of the discontinued Marsh Wheeling Stogies.

HONORABLE MENTION: New Jersey

You had a lot going for you, but I just don't know if you're quite the athletic specimen we need here.

S: Florida

I'm drafting Ed Reed with this pick, plain and simple. It's no secret that Florida produces some of the best athletes, and they were a trick state to place just because of how versatile they are. I think they're gonna be a hard hitting, ball hawk safety who you don't wanna meet running across the middle of the field

S: Virginia

I have Virginia as my other safety. Not quite as electric as Florida but I think that Virginia is gonna be a reliable piece to have back there. Sick sick flag, never seen this before, definitely worth a couple extra points. I think Virginia is just not gonna make mistakes.

OLB: Michigan

Michigan is gonna be a big bopper on the outside. Speed, size, toughness, grit, that's gonna be my linebacking corp. Our linebackers may be the single strongest position group. Michigan is a great fit here.

ILB: Texas

When you think Friday Night Lights, you probably think of Texas where towns shut down to celebrate the game. Texas was another guy who I had a lot of ideas about because I knew he would be a star of this team. While quarterback is the classic popular position, I think Texas would be just as honored to be a nasty middle linebacker anchoring down this defense.

OLB: Oklahoma

While Bosworth may have been a major bust, this is the type of guy I'm looking for in my linebackers. Similar to the fullback all of these guys are just gonna be big mean dudes with giant shoulder pads and neck rolls. If we don't win the game on the field, we'll sure as hell win the game getting off the bus with these monsters.

DE: Illinois

I mean c'mon, you can't tell me Illinois is gonna be nasty coming off the edge. We're talking hearty Midwest boys with a little Chicago toughness in there. These people worship the '85 Bears and if you had a fit on that defense then there's a great fit for you on mine.

DE: MIssouri

A sneaky big state that I think can have some big impact putting pressure on opposing quarterbacks. Missouri may lack the love that Illinois gets, but it can ball out and take on a couple blockers. Good luck sticking a running back on this guy because you'll be getting popped faster than a snitch on the wrong side of St. Louis.

DT: Georgia

It may be recency bias give me a bulldog at defensive tackle. Getting low and blowing up the middle will be a breeze for Georgia, neutralizing any and every attempt at a run game. Besides how could I make a list and leave out the reigning national champs. Also considered them at RB but just know their natural fit is on defense.

DT: Pennsylvania

Give me William Penn's big quaker self at defensive tackle. Pennsylvania is another sneaky big state who will have no problem making pays within this defense. I think with our other big dawgs in the line blockers are gonna forget about Penn, so look for him to be a very productive player in our system.

Special Teams

I recognize that the game is made up of 3 phases of equal importance. Can't sleep on the position group so important that they call it special. My key identity piece for my special teams unit is that they're gonna be weird. I think that's about all it takes for good special teams.

Punter: New Mexico

I think New Mexico fits the mold of a weird state. Considering the popularity of soccer in classic Mexico I'm hoping maybe there's some spillover to the New (stolen) version. I also think New Mexico has some decent size to it and could lay down the boomstick in case of emergency.

Kicker: Vermont

Ya know I really struggled finding my perfect fit at kicker. I tried out a few states and didn't feel passionately about any of them. Then with a glowing light in front of my face, Vermont appeared like an angel. Excellent fit for kicker. I can't quite explain how but it just works so well.

Long Snapper: Wyoming

You may be confused, but this isn't any normal rectangle. This is the great state of Wyoming. Wyoming at long snapper may be my magnum opus. This was the first name I penciled in my research sheet. Wyoming will play for 21 years, get paid the veteran minimum every year, and never make a mistake. I could see people arguing some of my other correct picks, but this is the lock of the century.

Holder: Utah

Those quirky Mormons are gonna have a great time holding the football! I put them at holder just because it seems like quite possibly the most vanilla football position, though it still requires great skill. I also think a fake kick with Utah rolling out with the ball could be electric.

KR: Maryland

Maryland is gonna be shifty and wild out there. Look at the flag, look at the shape of their state, they're gonna make something happen out there. Just a great addition to a very weird special teams unit.

PR: Hawaii

You already know Hawaii is going to be volcanic with the ball. I can already see them zipping around the field just making defenders look downright incompetent. I was a little worried about them taking a hit at first, then I remembered this guy. Now I'm worried about anyone who tries to hit them.

Hydration Engineer: Rhode Island

It's ok little guy, not everything in life is about size. However it's really important in football! You go get us another gatorade, ok?

So that's the squad. I mean I don't see a weak link on this roster, especially at Long Snapper. I can't wait to hear everyone else's incorrect opinions on the issue. This roster yet again proves that America is the greatest American Football playing country. WOOOO!!! WE DID IT!!!! WE"RE THE BEST AT OUR OWN SPORT!!!! USA! USA! USA!

Make sure to comment your takes below, repost this article, share with friends, etc. Hope everyone enjoyed this. Follow on Twitter and comment below what draft should we do next.