A Pick by Pick Breakdown of my Fantasy Team

Fellas, we all know nothing gets the ladies going than talking about your fantasy team without end. I mean everyone is just as emotionally invested as you are about the fictional semblance of players who you proceed to compare to God and curse every other week depending on performance. Nothing screams football is back like psychotic fantasy "GMs" sliding into players DMs.

Let the record show I actually do massively appreciate the Remember the Titans reference and considering Amon Ra St. Brown clearly didn't get it he's officially undraftable. This gives you a bit of a preview of my logic when developing the team to bring me out of my losing ways. So for all of you drafting the day before the season starts, take notes because this is the winning formula.

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Derrick Henry - RB - Titans - Round One: 2nd OVR

Jonathan Taylor went first to very little surprise. This left me staring at Henry or McCaffery (shown below) at 2.

Due to a general fear of Christian's glass bones I decided to pick the man the myth the legend, King Derrick. I'm a bit worried about his production this year exclusively due to the fact he no longer has his turd hair braid. That being said his nickname is Tractorcito, and that's more than enough reason to draft him

Deandre Swift - RB - Lions - Round Two: 19th OVR

A popular strategy amongst owners this year has been the no running back strategy. I saw that and proceeded to go running back in the first two rounds in all three of my leagues. I like Swift, he was good to me last year. I mean cmon, he's a running back named Swift. Literally translates to fast and shifty. That's gotta be worth something. Hopefully that balances out the fact that he plays for the Lions. Also has the same bye as D-Henry. Smart, realllll smaart.

CeeDee Lamb - WR - Cowboys - Round Three: 22nd OVR

Maybe one of the first Cowboys I've ever drafted. I'll be honest wasn't really passionate about this one but it is what it is. I'm noticing a trend with cool names on my team though. This is my sister's one and only rationale when developing her team so maybe I've been hanging out with her too much. Either way, he just seems like an objectively sweet player to have.

AJ Brown - WR - Eagles - Round Four: 39th OVR

Picked up my second receiver to wrap up my core four skill positions. People like the Eagles. AJ Brown is a big athletic dude. Idk I think he's gonna be solid and get his job done. Realizing now I really lack passion about my wide receivers. Almost MEGA reached for Amon-Ra here just to piss off a friend but decided to show mercy. Sportsmanship, pass it on.

Terry McLaurin - WR - Commanders/Football Team/R-words - Round Five: 42nd OVR

Anddddd it's at this point in time I realize I must love the NFC East WR's which scares me. As does Scary Terry with Carson Wentz at the helm. He'll be a good piece. I may or may not use him as trade bait later.

AJ DIllon - RB - Packers - Round Six: 59th OVR

YES. Give me AJ Dillon. I'm a little worried he's become too mainstream with his recent assault of the Kenosha Kingfish.

I've been a long term AJ Dillon guy as a Packers fan. The man known as Sauce due to his love for apple sauce is just a loveable man and an absolute monster on the football field. Not only that but I expect him to get almost if not more carries than Jones this year and a significant amount of red zone touches. I had a fourth round grade on him, ecstatic to get him late in the sixth.

Kyler Murray - QB - Cardinals - Round Seven: 62th Pick

Had to go QB here. Only had so many quarterbacks who I was happy with and they were starting to fall off the board. I like the value in the seventh round of a guy who plays in an offense built around his success. He's a short king, shoutout to all the vertically challenged out there. As long as he can avoid Call of Duty he should be a productive.

Clyde Edwards-Helaire - RB - Chiefs - Round Eight: 79th Pick

Seemed like ok value in the eighth. His name just sounds shifty. Besides I had a plan relating to the pick to be released later in the blog.

Allen Lazard - WR - Packers - Round Nine: 82nd Pick

Wanted to get another Packer on the squad. Has potential to be great, though I don't even know who the WR1 will be this year. Nevertheless at this point in the draft I was looking for boom or bust and trying to draft guys with starter potential.

Deandre Hopkins - WR - Cardinals - Round Ten: 99th Pick

Like I said, starter potential. I think I have plenty of ok wide receivers at this point so I think I can survive a couple weeks without him. Could be an important piece come playoff season.

Pat Freiermuth - TE - Steelers - Round 11: 102nd Pick

Had to go tight end here. Kinda forgot about that but in a non-ppr league tight ends lost a significant amount of value in my humble opinion. I feel good about this pick though. He was an absolute dawg at Penn State and with Pittsburgh's uncertain QB situation I feel like throwing it to the tight end is always a safe play. Hopeful about this one.

Packers D/ST - Round 12: 119th Pick

Love the Packer D this year. I'm obviously a tad biased but the defense looks seriously nasty. Also they play the Bears and Lions four times which is logic enough when drafting a defense.

Robert Woods - WR - Titans - Round 13: 122nd Pick

This is where I may have messed up. I realize now I have tons of hot-cold receivers who could go off any given Sunday. Only problem? I can practically guarantee I'll never start the right one. Brutal

Daniel Carlson - K - Raiders - Round 14: 139th Pick

He's a kicker! Not much else besides the fact he looks slightly like the failed Ronaldo statue.

Isiah Pacheco - RB - Chiefs - Round 15: 142nd Pick

My "sleeper" for the season and part of my rational with drafting CEH. Bookended it with Pacheco. He's a rookie but has been getting a lot of love from camp. Some are saying he could get the starting job. Would love to tell people I told them so. We shall see.

JAMEIS WINSTON - GOD - Saints - Round 16: 159th

We can wrap it up. I've won. I had to say it but I am an unapologetic Jameis guy. I had my best season with him as my starter during his legendary 30/30 year. Now that he has lasic?!? 60/0. Gotta have Jameis he's my lucky charm.

So I guess that's the recap. Gonna pretend it's not all luck. Anyway I look forward to being passionate about every game. The crisp air in the morning, checking scores constantly, talking shit to your buddies, this is what it's all about. Good luck to all of your teams, and remember what I very clearly have forgotten.

Nobody gives a shit about your fantasy team