Fellas, we all know nothing gets the ladies going than talking about your fantasy team without end. I mean everyone is just as emotionally invested as you are about the fictional semblance of players who you proceed to compare to God and curse every other week depending on performance. Nothing screams football is back like psychotic fantasy "GMs" sliding into players DMs.
Let the record show I actually do massively appreciate the Remember the Titans reference and considering Amon Ra St. Brown clearly didn't get it he's officially undraftable. This gives you a bit of a preview of my logic when developing the team to bring me out of my losing ways. So for all of you drafting the day before the season starts, take notes because this is the winning formula.
Derrick Henry - RB - Titans - Round One: 2nd OVR
Jonathan Taylor went first to very little surprise. This left me staring at Henry or McCaffery (shown below) at 2.
Due to a general fear of Christian's glass bones I decided to pick the man the myth the legend, King Derrick. I'm a bit worried about his production this year exclusively due to the fact he no longer has his turd hair braid. That being said his nickname is Tractorcito, and that's more than enough reason to draft him
Deandre Swift - RB - Lions - Round Two: 19th OVR
CeeDee Lamb - WR - Cowboys - Round Three: 22nd OVR
AJ Brown - WR - Eagles - Round Four: 39th OVR
Terry McLaurin - WR - Commanders/Football Team/R-words - Round Five: 42nd OVR
AJ DIllon - RB - Packers - Round Six: 59th OVR
Kyler Murray - QB - Cardinals - Round Seven: 62th Pick
Clyde Edwards-Helaire - RB - Chiefs - Round Eight: 79th Pick
Allen Lazard - WR - Packers - Round Nine: 82nd Pick
Deandre Hopkins - WR - Cardinals - Round Ten: 99th Pick
Pat Freiermuth - TE - Steelers - Round 11: 102nd Pick
Packers D/ST - Round 12: 119th Pick
Robert Woods - WR - Titans - Round 13: 122nd Pick
Daniel Carlson - K - Raiders - Round 14: 139th Pick
Isiah Pacheco - RB - Chiefs - Round 15: 142nd Pick
JAMEIS WINSTON - GOD - Saints - Round 16: 159th
So I guess that's the recap. Gonna pretend it's not all luck. Anyway I look forward to being passionate about every game. The crisp air in the morning, checking scores constantly, talking shit to your buddies, this is what it's all about. Good luck to all of your teams, and remember what I very clearly have forgotten.
Nobody gives a shit about your fantasy team
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